I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
