He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
