I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
try to milk me bitch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
