My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
false alarm, still single
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
