Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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