I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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