when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
