i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
