Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
