Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
