Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
