so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
