I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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