Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
