Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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