I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
