i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize