I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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