im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
