I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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