There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
