He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
