I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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