you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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