Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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