it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
