eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
