i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
