Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
