I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
