I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
