i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
