singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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