I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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