i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
