What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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