new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
