I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
this beer tastes like vomit already
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
