**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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