he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
