Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
