You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
