Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
