i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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