no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
