he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
