Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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