Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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