It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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