I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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