I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
