today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
