The maid of honor just puked.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
