All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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