I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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