I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
