oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
