My hand turned me down
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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