Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
