Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
