bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
