Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize