Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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